My Life Motto

“Trust the Timing of Your Life”

When you think about your life, really think about it. Have you ever asked yourself, “How did I get here?” It is a serious question because each day holds so much significance in some way shape or form for the future. Timing in life is everything. I think each and every day there are opportunities that can make a significant impact on your future. Every decision you make has its advantages and disadvantages. You can choose to move forward, stay stagnant, or go backwards in life. We all know that time is something you can never get back, so why waste it? There will never be today’s date ever again, you might as well seize the day. The decision with what you do with every day is yours.

School

Growing up I attended a private school from Nursery age to the third grade. From fourth grade to twelfth grade I attended public school. Public school was interesting. I remember my first year, the fourth grade. I remember the class where I learned about the Brown V. the Board of Education and who Ruby Bridges was. We were learning about Civil Rights. I remember how that made me feel. Looking around the class room seeing that I was the only student of color. I got up and left the classroom because I was crying. There were many emotions. I never once felt discriminated in school. I had friends, good ones. I think after watching those movies alongside other students, and seeing that no one treated me any different gave me confidence in myself. I have never used my skin color as an excuse for anything, and I never will. I do not get offended by comments or jokes regarding my skin color. I never have. It does not bug me because I have the power to control what I decide to let bother me and what does not. That year was very important because it was a transition. Had I been treated differently in the fourth grade I think I would have had a much tougher time growing up.

Fast forward to one of my favorite years. The seventh grade. This year was a fun one for me because I felt everyone knew everyone and was friends with everyone. That made this year great. Sadly, it was the last year that I felt everyone was friends with everyone. It seemed to me that people got cliqueier and cliqueier as the years went on. I did not let that bother me though because I knew who I was.

The tenth grade was a good year. I felt like I belonged. I belonged to something outside of gymnastics. A friend group. It was nice to be invited to events, hang out with people other than my gymnastics friends, and what not. Unfortunately, I felt that that was very short lived. It was still my favorite year for many reasons: I was getting my hair done differently, had whiter teeth and no braces, better clothes. It was my glow up year for sure. I felt like I was getting more attention on my social media page and just interacting with more people than what I was in the ninth grade. All throughout high school I know for a fact that no one truly understood who I was as a person. People had their perception and opinions about me, but they never really knew me so most of their perceptions and opinions about me were false. I was a very blunt girl, a little sassy, and a whole lot of dramatic, deep if you took the time to really talk to me. I was not everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m still not. I recognize that, but I will never apologize for the way other people feel about me. That’s not up to me to decide. I am not a people pleaser and I will not aim to be one. What kind of life is that? I am me and I will never stop being me.

It was the last two years that followed that were my least favorite of all time. Eleventh and twelfth were the years I could feel myself getting disconnected from everyone at school. I was sick of feeling like I was never enough for people. Sick of people always having something to say about the way I did my make up, the way I walked, the way I talked, and yes the way I dressed. I liked to dress up. I dressed up for me, and yes I’ll admit it sometimes for that cute boy that I walk past after third period in the halls. I loved dressing up and doing my make up. Still do. There comes a time when you just have to know your worth and when you are doing the best you can, but it’s never reciprocated or when people throw everything you say and do back in your face constantly. For what though? It was rough and difficult. I put on a strong face the majority of the time throughout high school. Boy am I glad to be away from the people who made me feel like so much less than what I am and who never cared or took the time to know me. The best thing I ever did for myself in high school was isolate myself from everyone. To this day, I can count the amount of people I keep in contact with from high school on one hand. That’s a modest number.

Those years felt like the longest years of my life, and boy am I glad those days are gone. Through it all I was my biggest supporter and cheerleader. I had to keep the positive attitude and remind myself that in time all of these things that I went through will be beneficial in time.

College

Believe it or not I was actually wholeheartedly not going to go to college. It was something that I was going to put off for years. Thankfully my aunt helped me with the application process. I ended up attending St. Cloud State University because my aunt went there during her college years. I never looked it up nor toured it. I just went there.

I thought I would just stay home and continue to work retail at the Mall of America for years. Thank God I decided to go to college. I could not imagine working retail right now full time. It is not interesting to me nor something that makes me feel passionate or excited anymore as much as it once did. I am grateful I was gone during a pivotal time in my parents life. My freshman year of college was the year they told me they were going to be getting a divorce. As if the year wasn’t hard enough already: new environment, new people, new scenery, new responsibilities. Uh. Who needs more stress than what College in itself so rightfully adds? No one.

My freshman year of college I rarely returned home – Thanksgiving and Christmas were the only times I returned home. I did not want to be home. Could I really blame myself for that? I would much rather drink my problems away and temporarily numb myself to the issues that were really bothering me, which at the time seemed like everything. Only to know that nothing was going to change. When all I’d be left with after sobering up were the same thoughts. Thoughts that haunted my mind day and night and drove me wild crazy. Questionable thoughts of what the future would hold for me and my family. It was an extremely difficult time and I was left feeling nothing but deep sorrow every time. I was drinking nearly every day. I used to think drinking was fun and made me feel boundless. Taking pulls with no chaser. It was completely casual to me. I felt like I had been swallowed up whole into the worldly ways of the world with no outlet. I felt like I had no outlet because nobody was there to put a mirror in my face and have me take a long hard look at the deranged reflection that was staring me right in the face. It was me, I had finally gone off the deep end. There I was head first plummeting down, down, down, to the darkest pit that had no light. Could anyone see that I am struggling? Did anyone know that I was at the lowest low? Was anyone going to come to my rescue? No. Only I could save myself from the dark pit I had fallen into. I had to make the decision for me, and only me…

At the time I did not know drunkenness was a sin. I thought it was normal because everyone did it. It is sad how much you can change for the worst in a very short period of time. I took my first sip of alcohol in the 7th grade, but it was not until college where I got into drinking all the time. I am sad that I allowed such noxious toxicity into my life.

If I had to do it all over again knowing what I know now, I would never go to a University. I would without a doubt do online or community college only. College was a very interesting time. It was a time of completely losing myself, making mistakes, growth and maturity, and finding myself again. I had to go through the living hell of it all though. I would 100% not be the same girl if I had not, and for that I am thankful.

Meeting Joshua

The love of your life comes after the mistake of your life.

I met my husband after what I believe where I made the biggest mistakes of my life. College. Imagine the younger version of yourself. The younger version of yourself who was innocent, had high standards, and knew your morals and stuck by them. The younger version of yourself who said they would never do certain things. Well, I became the person that I said I never would become. I remember one day it was all just too much. The day that I was completely broken and disgusted with who I had become. The day that I turned my life around and came back to my roots. The day that I came back to Jesus. A few weeks later after changing my life, I met Joshua. It was like he was my saving grace. One thing I know for sure is that Joshua is my gift from God. I remember the exact words I used before praying the sinner’s prayer. I said, “God if I am going to change my life I need you to give me the man of my dreams.” And He did! God gave me Him. I could feel the feelings of wanting to drink daily quickly becoming evanescent, and I knew that was all because of God. I just wanted to have love and be loved so badly. I wanted a real authentic love. Something I never had before in my life by any guy. Looking back now I truly realize why it never worked out with anyone else. The Lord wanted me to be with Joshua. The Lord knows the needs and desires of our hearts. All we have to do is ask. He is always listening.

Finding the Perfect Job

I became a Certified and Licensed Dental Assistant in May of 2016. I love dentistry, but finding the perfect job has not been easy by any means. I started out at a corporate office. The corporate office was great as they had many resources to help me as a new Dental Assistant, but I was bored and wanted to be somewhere that would challenge me more, somewhere more up beat to match my personality, faster paced, and more hands on. A place that would allow me to blossom and utilize my expanded functions as a Dental Assistant. I was eager to find my perfect fit. It seemed like no one understood why I was doing so many interviews and working at various offices. Yes, I was a job hopper early on in my career. That was only because I don’t like to waste people’s time. Sticking around at an office I know just isn’t what I initially thought it was, is no good at all. Why would I want to wake up and dread going to work every day? That is not why I picked the career that I did. Dentistry truly is life changing.

I am very particular and picky when it comes to the work place. I do not settle for anything. I know what I want, and I won’t stop until I get it. I had a very specific check list of the things I was looking for. Yes I know that no work place is perfect, but I do believe in job satisfaction and know that there is a workplace where everyone can be successful. I love work, and working hard. I value strong work ethic and always trying my best. I take my job very seriously. I do not believe in mediocrity. If you are going to do something don’t just do it to be good. Do it to the best of your ability! I believe in striving for greatness and excellence. No one is perfect, but we can always strive to do our best in everything we put our minds to. I am happy to say that I have finally found the perfect office for me. It took years to find, but now that I finally have I am so excited and hopeful for my future as a Dental Assistant.

I am so elated with the life I am living today.

I just know that the best is yet to come, and I will always trust in the timing for my life.

Stop and take a moment to think about where you are in your life…

Are you trusting in the timing of your life?