A lot of the things that I post to my blog are really for myself; however, I know some people enjoy reading the things I write as they find them relatable and inspirational. Your responses and messages to the things I write about sharing these special moments in life with you really touch my heart. I am happy to share things with the world because I know at least one person will feel heard or seen and that things in life happen and there are people who understand. If you have not yet read my labor and delivery with baby #2, I encourage you to do that! You can read all about it here.
This time around I had a clear game plan about my expectations with everything. I had multiple conversations with my husband, Josh, about what I need in the hospital postpartum, what my boundaries are going to be with friends and family and people seeing the baby, what the daily routine will be for taking care of our toddler if I am not able to do things, what tasks need to be done around the house, and how we would make time for each other to both have our own time and time together. A LOT OF THINGS! Mama’s I encourage you to have the difficult conversations with your husband or significant other and stand your ground as this will make all the difference. You are the one who is going through all of the changes: emotional, physical, mental. Everything is on you mama and you have to come to a mutual understanding for the sake of your own sanity and mental health. Postpartum is not a joke. These conversations made a huge difference as our marriage is flourishing and our love for one another is growing more and more. We made beautiful humans that are tremendous blessings and gifts from God. I have never been more in love with my husband and family. When I see him with our babies I just melt away… I am so thankful. This time around has been a whole night and day difference from the first time around. I am grateful to have already experienced postpartum and have a better experience this time around. A lot of prayer went into this. (This was written at two weeks postpartum).
1 Day
Today I am 1 day postpartum and still in the hospital. I feel so much joy and happiness. He is so cute and content. He is everything I ever dreamed he would be and gives me all the feels now that I have both a son and daughter. Today I feel great. I ate good, bathed my body, washed my face, brushed my teeth, kept my body hydrated with lots of water, got up and moved around all day, snuggled my baby, kissed my baby, fed my baby, and cherished every stinking minute with just my husband and son. I am ready to love you forever, Nixon Dean. When I hold you in my arms I am reminded of what life is all about. The same feeling I felt when I held Nevaeh at your age… It’s something magical. I love this feeling and I never want it to go away for these are the sweetest days I will ever know. Thank you Jesus.
1 Week
Today is Valentine’s Day and my sweet Nixon Dean is a week old already. It still does not seem real that I just had a baby a week ago. He is the sweetest little babe. He sleeps all day and night and loves mama’s milk. This time around I have had to pump since day one postpartum because my breasts have been so engorged and hard as a rock if I do not relieve milk from them. Praise the Lord for all of the milk I am producing, but there are times where I am in a world of pain and can not even put my arms together without experiencing pain due to the engorgement. No clogged ducts yet – praise Him! Nixon is always choking because the flow is so fast and if I don’t have the haakaa I’m hollering to Josh to get it or the bottle to save all of the additional drops of liquid gold when he comes off the breast as the flow is crazy. In the first week I have pumped and froze close to 200 oz of breast milk all while nursing him all day and night and I cannot believe that. We had an in home family photoshoot at 1 week postpartum with my favorite gal, Madalyn. Check her out here! I am so smitten by his little gummy smiles, cute faces, milk drunk faces, little kicks, and movements. He smells delicious. There is nothing like that fresh newborn baby scent, IYKYK. I love watching every little movement he makes. He moves and looks around so delicately. It is very cute to watch. I am snuggling him every single chance I get. I love squeezing and holding him close on my chest and whispering things in his ears and praying over him. I am loading his cheeks and lips up with an endless amount of kisses. I love doing daily stretches with him and filling his mind with special words and prayer. Every morning I wake up and thank God for him. He is such a miraculous miracle.
1 Month
Today I am 1 month postpartum and it has flown by. So far I have taken a bunch of photos and videos of Nixon Dean and my heart just cannot take it. He is too stinkin’ cute! The time has flown by way too fast. Warning – this potentially may be TMI but I don’t care… I have already gotten my cycle back, so that’s lovely. A lot of people keep asking me when I’m going back to work and when I’m having more babies. I just LOL at both questions because it’s wayyyy too soon to be thinking about either. I told Josh that I was going back to work for a half day at two weeks postpartum and he said no. I was serious too. If I’m being honest, I think working my job is easier than taking care of my two babies. HAHAHA. Staying home all the time is just not my jam and I love what I do, so to answer that question – I’ll be back to work when I feel like it. I have stated many times that I am not having any more kids. I am very content with my two kiddos, and we have the best of both worlds with one boy and one girl. Thank you Jesus! As of now I am enjoying staying home and loving on both babies. I do get out of the house every once in awhile. Now that Nixon is growing he is up a lot more during the day. Whenever he is awake I always pay attention to him by talking, showing him something new, walking around the house with him, playing, reading books, singing, tummy time, and stretching. I am doing all of the things you can do with a newborn of his age to encourage growth and development. It is so fun to see him react to different things when he is awake. I haven’t pumped in 2 weeks – I cannot find time to do it as I did not get the Elvie, cordless pump, that I wanted to this time around because they were sold out everywhere I looked. I also do not see myself pumping very often anyways. I have been using the haaka whenever I am nursing him. This saves me 2oz of milk every 5 minutes vs. just letting that go to waste due to leaking. This time around, I feel like I have more of a supply of breastmilk than I did with Nevaeh. Nixon eats a lot! I have had both breasts with clogged ducts at the same time and I was dying of pain. IYKYK.
Mental Check
Mentally I was struggling for a few days at the three week mark from the sleep deprivation and getting my cycle back. I am trying to not be so hard on myself for things as I know my hormones are cooky crazy right now. I am focusing on being more optimistic vs pessimistic about a lot of things. I am doing a lot of self-reflecting and soul searching. I am determined to keep my mental health in check and am trying my best to not let the little things bother me. I have realized life is too short and some things just don’t matter and are not worth my anxiety. Having 2 babies has matured me in a few aspects which I am grateful for.
Physical Check
Physically the first two weeks I could tell my body went through something that was difficult. I had lots of pain in my back and uterus. I would overdue it at times and not sit down to rest, but that’s just me. I still have back pain and know that will probably continue for months from the epidural. At two weeks postpartum I could fit into my size 00 jeans again. I still have a small bump at four weeks postpartum. I am not concerned about slimming down or getting rid of the stretch marks any time soon or at all really. I have thought about becoming more active now to get into shape. I haven’t ever felt determined to really hit the gym or get on a schedule for exercise since my gymnastics days were over nearly a decade ago. I have been thinking about it more recently and feel like it would be very beneficial for my body to get back into shape, regain some flexibility, and put on some muscle. I want to get into yoga and pilates.
What has been the most helpful for me this time around?
The most helpful thing has been a shift in my mindset. Accepting that it’s going to be messy, nothing has to be perfect, I am still important, and there are more ways to do things! I am letting go of some control and becoming more lenient with certain things as they aren’t worth my time and anxiety. I am getting ready some days and taking care of me. Getting ready in the mornings has made a huge difference in my overall mood. What is getting ready to me? Getting ready – depends on the day honestly, but doing my hair, moisturizer on the face, brushing the brows and teeth LOL, putting on a comfy nursing friendly outfit and I’m gucci. I am trying not to lose myself in motherhood – I am still my own independent self apart from motherhood and have things I enjoy doing and need to find time to do those things. I have realized it is okay to take time for me. It took me awhile to realize that after becoming a mama. If you want to do something – make time for it but do not do it in excess!
A few last words…
Remember that not all days are good days. There will be hard days especially if you have more than one baby. If you are on my social media, you know I love a good IG/Facebook story. LOL. Please do not be fooled or think I am posting a highlight reel. What you’re seeing is the real deal. I post what I feel, and have always kept it real. If you are struggling with postpartum, please advocate for yourself because it is serious. Talk to someone or see your doctor. I hope you are flourishing or are on your way to flourishing because you got help! You got this, mama.
Thanks for reading, be well.
xoxoxo
